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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

FLIPPANCY AT WORK

FLIPPANCY IS DESTRUCTIVE.
IT DESTROYS WORK ETHICS AND IT DESTROYS YOU.

YET MY BODY SEEMS TO PROVIDE A ROOM FOR IT.
MAKING ME COMPLACENT OF PRIVILEGES I OUGHTA BE GRATEFUL FOR,
RUINING SOMEONE ELSE'S DAY,
FEEDING MY BRAIN WITH IRRATIONAL DECISIONS,
AND ALLOWING STORED ADRENALIN TO BE OF NO USE.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

URBANSLANG.101

COURTESY FART>>

WHEN SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY FARTS AND IS EMBARRASED, YOU SHOULD, IF YOU HAVE ONE READY, LET ONE FLY AS WELL. THIS IS A COURTESY FART.
THIS IS AN OPPORTUNE TIME FOR YOU TO RELEASE SINCE THEN THE TWO FART SMELLS WILL INTERFERE AND NO ONE WILL DISCOVER HOW UNBELIEVIBLY NASTY YOUR ASS IS.

“BORIS FARTED AS HE BENT OVER TO PICK UP HIS SHUTTLECOCK AT THE BADMINTON TOURNAMENT. SHUNG FE FELT SO BAD FOR HIM THAT HE OFFERED UP A COURTESY FART. UNFORTUNATELY SHUNG FE'S RICE AND EGGNOODLE FART COULD NOT COMPLETELY MASK THE LIVERWURST AND VODKA FART FROM BORIS, AND EVERYONE HAD TO LEAVE THE COURT FOR 15 MINUTES.”

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RESTLESS LIP SYNDROME>>

WHEN A PERSON KEEPS INTERRUPTING A CONVERSATION AND CAN'T KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT.

“CHRIS HAS TO COME MY HOUSE TO DRINK BECAUSE WHEN WE'RE AT HIS HOUSE, LINDAS RESTLESS LIP SYNDROME PREVENTS US FROM CARRYING ON A CONVERSATION.”

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MICROVISITS>>

THE REAL-WORLD EQUIVALENT OF MICROBLOGGING. STOPPING BY TO TALK TO SOMEONE FOR 140 SECONDS OR LESS.

"HAVE YOU TALKED TO MIKE LATELY?"

"JUST A COUPLE OF MICROVISITS LAST WEEK"

"I WAS ON MY WAY HOME YESTERDAY AND I STOPPED BY JEFF'S HOUSE FOR A MICROVISIT."

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CYBERCHONDRIAC>>

SOMEONE WHO SPENDS THEIR TIME SEARCHING MEDICAL WEBSITES FOR DISEASES THEY CONVINCE THEMSELVES THEY ACTUALLY HAVE

SIMILIAR TO A HYPERCHONDRIAC

'THEN I WENT ON THIS WEBSITE AND FOUND OUT THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE DIABETES AND CHRONIC FATIGUE!'
'DUDE...YOU'RE A CYBERCHONDRIAC' !


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UNDERBOOB>>

CLEAVAGE VISIBLE FROM THE PART OF THE SHIRT THAT COVERS THE BOTTOM OF THE FEMALE BREASTS

“IF THAT IS NOT A DELIBERATE UNDERBOOB, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.”

PSYCHOLOGICAL_DOWNMENT

FEELING
BAD

TURNING
MAD

Thursday, October 15, 2009

RUSH.1

YOU'RE IN A HURRY SO YOUR BOSS CAN HAVE THE DOCS SIGNED, WHEN YOU CAME ACROSS YOUR NINANG WHO DEMANDS YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE ON SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE "NATASHA".

YOU DRESSED UP WELL AND EARLY FOR A PHOTO SESSION, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, BUT NO PADYAK IS AROUND. YOU DONT WANNA RUIN YOUR GET UP, SO YOU WAIT FOR A PADYAK.
STILL, NO PADYAK APPEARS. YOU DECIDED TO WALK, YOUR FRIEND RINGS YOU,
TELLS YOU THAT THE SESSION STARTS IN 5 MINUTES.
THE BLDG ENTRANCE IS NOW A FEW STEPS AWAY WHEN SUDDENLY YOU STEP ON A DOG SHIT.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE TOASTMASTER AT A FRIEND'S WEDDING DINNER. 30 MINS BEFORE THE CHURCH CEREMONY STARTS YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN OUT YOUR ONLY SLACKS FROM THE WASHING MACHINE. THE MACHINE GOT NO DRIER.

YOU'RE ON A BUS ON YOUR WAY TO A DATE. A MANI VENDOR INSIDE SNEEZED IN FRONT OF YOU, SHOWERING YOU WITH SALIVA AND NEXT GENERATION, ANTIBIOTIC-RESISTANT, MUTANT GERMS.
HE APOLOGIZED WITH A "BLESS YOU".

YOU'RE DRIVING, SENDING A SWEET TEXT MESSAGE TO A HOT CHICK YOU MET AT THE COFFEE SHOP. YOU SEND THE SMS TO YOUR WIFE.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

GNOME.3




NOISE TRIGGERS THE ANGER OF A DREARY SOUL.

WAR STARTS WHEN MUSIC BECOMES NOISE AND NOISE BECOMES PRINCIPLE.

A GOOD PRINCIPLE ISNT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE APPLIED TO A NON-REASONABLE SITUATION.

THE ANGRY SOUL CANCELS THE VALIDITY OF EVERY PRINCIPLE IT ENCOUNTERS.

SILENCE OF THE WORLD CAN BE ACHIEVED WHEN OUR MINDS HAVE THE SAME GOOD THOUGHT,
SAME GOOD DEED, SAME SENTIMENT.

BUT CHOOSE SENTIMENTS TO SHARE AND EMBRACE.

GNOME.2


SOME WOULD SELL THINGS INCLUDING THEIR SOULS.

SOME WOULD IGNORE SOULS AND ONLY BUY FLESH.

SOME WOULD SEEK FOR REWARD AND HIDE THEIR FLAWS.

SOME WOULD KILL AND ESCAPE AND STILL BE HAILED AS HEROES.

SOME WOULD FLEE AND CURSE THEIR HOMELAND AND STILL FIND SYMPATHY FROM OTHERS.

SOME WOULD CHOOSE TO DEFEND THE THIEF NOT NOTICING THEIR LOST TREASURES.

SOME WOULD INVEST ATTENTION ON TIME WASTERS AND CLAMOR FOR ADDITIONAL TIME.

SOME WOULD CHOOSE CONVENIENCE AND DISREGARD TOTAL FREEDOM.

SOME WOULD ASSUME AND GET DISAPPOINTED.

SOME WOULD COMMIT TO LOVE AND WISH THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE LOVED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SOME WOULD GET ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE, WOULD RELY ON REASON AND BE CONVINCED THAT THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN LIVING WITH A PARTNER.

GNOME.1

WHY SET YOUR THOUGHTS AND TIME ON THINGS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL.

WHY EXERT YOUR EFFORT ON IDEAL THINGS, WHEN THEY ARE JUST IDEAL.

WHY TRY TO EDUCATE OTHERS IF YOU CAN'T GET EDUCATION FOR YOURSELF.

WHY BECOME PARANOID ON SEARCHING FOR ONE'S MISTAKE WHEN HE HAS NONE.

WHY RUN WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN UNDERGONE A BRISK WALK.

WHY ACT CHILDISHLY WHEN YOUR AGE SHOUTS 40.

WHY CLARIFY AN ISSUE, WHEN ALL THEY WANT TO SEE IS BLUR AND NOTHING ELSE.

WHY NOT OBEY AND SHUT UP, RATHER THAN OBEY AND SHOUT OUT!

WHY READ A STORY WHEN IT ONLY TELLS OF LIES.

THE ME

WINZTON APPRECIATES SIMPLICITY.
HE SEES BEAUTY IN THE UGLY, THE WORST AND THE BAD,
THOUGH HE LAUGHS AT THOSE IMPERFECTIONS AT TIMES.

HE LOVES JOKES, AND YOU’LL OFTEN HEAR HIM
BRAG HIS CORNIEST JOKES.

HE CRITICIZES HIMSELF AND DOES NOTHING ‘BOUT IT.

HE OFTEN TENDS TO BE STIFF WHEN HE IS ILL AT EASE,
AND ACTS CARELESSLY WHEN HE IS SO COMFORTABLE.

HE LOVES COFFEE (CREAMED, FRAPPE, BREWED).

HE IS A DAY DREAMER.

FOND OF BOOKS, THOUGH HE HAS NO COLLECTION AT ALL.

APPRECIATES AND LOVES FASHION, THOUGH HE BELONGS IN THE
“WORST DRESSED PEEPS”.

LOVES MUZIC AND LOSING HIMSELF DEEP IN TRANCE MUZIC.

HOLLOW>>

I'D ALWAYS THOUGHT IT PAYS TO DO IT WELL.
BUT I NOW REALIZE IT DOES NOT DESERVE MY FOCUS,

AND I WOULD NOT LET IT CONSUME ME.

THERE IS ALWAYS A PART OF YOUR LIFE YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE TOO SERIOUSLY.

CONTOUR>>

HAD SEEN IT.
HAD KNOWN IT'LL CAUSE TROUBLE.
TO ME. TO YOU. TO THEM. TO IT.

NOW, IT'S UNSTOPPABLE.

YOU NEVER READ MY MIND.

YOU NEVER WILL.