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Monday, August 09, 2010

THE CEILING'S ATTRACTIVE

WHEN THIS PROBLEM STARTED,
I THOUGHT I COULD MANAGE TO WIN OVER IT IN WEEKS.
MONTHS AND YEARS HAD PASSED, AND THE PROB IS NOW IN IT'S GLORIOUS PEAK.

SCREAMING O'ER MY HEAD VICTORIOUSLY.


I NEED MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO EARN.


A SECOND AGO NEVER RETURNS.

AND THE PEOPLE I TREASURE ALL GET OLDER.
AND I'M GETTING OLDER TOO.

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I DREAMT OF HAVING.

NO MINUTE-BY-MINUTE FAILURES.
NO DEBT.
NO WORRIES.
NO SINS. AND ALL THE COMPLICATIONS WHICH GO WITH SINNING.
AARGH.

AN EASY SOLUTION SCREAMS LOUDER AND EXTRACTS ALL THE HOPES IN ME.


MY WORK SAVES ME.

MY WORK REMINDS ME OF MY SIGNIFICANCE AS AN EMPLOYEE.
THE PEOPLE WHO TRUST ME DO THE SAME, WITHOUT THEM KNOWING IT.

I'M FORTUNATE. BUT NOT WITH SO MANY PROBLEMS AND FAILURES THAT MY EARDRUMS

WOULD STRIVE TO CATCH THAT PLEASING SOUNDWAVE AGAIN
AND MAKE MY MIND CHOOSE TO CONSIDER THAT EASY SOLUTION.

I'M WEAK.

I'M HELPLESS NOW.
EVERY THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME, EVERYTHING I ENCOUNTER,
ALL HAS NO VALUE UNTIL I CHOOSE TO ENGAGE IN IT.
THAT'S THE TIME WHEN I SEE WHAT IT CAN DO TO ME.

BECAUSE NOW, I DON'T EXPECT GOOD THINGS T HAPPEN INSTANTLY FOR MYSELF.

I DON'T DREAM NOW.

IT'S LIKE I DEVELOPED THE HABIT OF GOING IN WITHOUT ANALYZING WHAT'S IN THERE.

COZ ANALYZING IS STRESSFUL.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO ANALYZE THINGS [AS OF NOW].
AS OF NOW.

PROBLEMS MADE ME ILL FOR YEARS NOW.

AND I NEED HEALING.

OF MY PSYCHO.

OF MY BODY.
OF MY CHARACTER.

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