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Monday, June 21, 2010

COUCH POTATO

A COUCH POTATO IS SUM1 WHO SPENDS DAYS ON THE COUCH EATING TO WATCH TV. (THAT'S HOW I DEFINED A COUCH POTATO, IN GRADESKUL).

I'M A COUCH POTATO, MYSELF.
I AM... IN A WAY.

COZ HERE I AM NOW ON THE COUCH.
THIS SERVES AS MY BED FOR YEARZ NOW.
I GOT NO BED, I GOT NO ROOM.
AND I DO MY LAST-MINUTE-BFORE-SLEEP-THINKING ON THIS COUCH NIGHTLY. WHOAH. BUT NOT WHEN IM TOO TIRED OR TOO DRUNK TO THINK THAT I QUICKLY DOZE OFF BY THE TIME MY HEAD HIT THE COUCH's ARM (W/C SERVES AS MY PILLOW, WHEN NO PILLOW IS AVAILBL FOR ME).

IM SLEEPY NOW, THAT I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO FINISH AND POST THIS NOTE. HAHA.
I BECOME SLEEPY WHENEVR MY MIND GOT LOTS OF THINGS GOING ON IN IT. MAYBE IT'S MY BRAIN'S WAY OF AVOIDING STRESS.

IM THINKING MILLIONS.
AND IM SLEEPY NOW.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

SURREAL but NICE

SURREAL BUT NICE.
THIS WAS ME.  AND THIS IS ME.
A DEAR FRIEND TAGGED ME AS SUCH MAYBE LIKE SIX YEARS AGO?
SURREAL BUT NICE.

THIS IS SO STUPID OF ME TO BLOG ABOUT.
BUT YOU MUST KNOW THAT I ALMOST GAVE UP WHAT I HAVE TO LOVE YOU.
TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT,
AND TO TRASH OUT ALL THE COMPLICATIONS.

THAT WAS ONE BIG CHALLENGE I FACED AS A PERSON.
NOT BECAUSE I WAS THINKING OF MYSELF.
BUT BECAUSE I WAS THINKING 
IF THE ALTERATION WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU.
AND
IT WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR YOU.

I HAVE APPRECIATED YOU FROM THE VERY MOMENT YOU "CAME" INTO MY LIFE.

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND ME WHEN THE RIGHT TIME COMES.
AND YOU'LL THANK AND HATE ME MORE AT THE SAME TIME.




ACE OF HOPE

MY DEPRESSION ISN'T JUST CAUSED BY LIFE'S CRUELTY
BUT ALSO BECAUSE OF MY OWN CRUELTY. TO MYSELF. TO OTHERS. TO YOU.


I HAVE DISAPPOINTED, NOT ONLY MYSELF, BUT ALSO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
I HAVE HURT, NOT ONLY MYSELF, BUT ALSO MY LOVED ONES.
I HAVE KILLED, NOT ONLY MY OWN ASPIRATIONS, BUT SOME OF YOUR ASPIRATIONS.


I AM SO SORRY.
YES, THAT'S ALL I CAN DO. TO SAY SORRY.
I HAVE OVERUSED IT FOR YEARS.


NOTHING HURTS AS MUCH AS TURNING YOUR BACK ON SOMEONE YOU LOVE.




Sunday, June 13, 2010

LIFE

I THINK OF KILLING MYSELF TO STOP THE SUFFERING.
WHY PROLONG THE AGONY WHEN I CAN SOLVE ALL MY TROUBLES BY COMMITTING SUICIDE.

YOU NEED TO CONSIDER LIFE'S CRUELTY AND REALITY
SO AS NOT TO GET SHOCKED WITH THE WAY OTHER MISERABLE PEOPLE DEAL WITH PROBLEMS.

BUT STILL, PROBLEMS SUSTAIN MY LIFE.
I SHOULDNT GIVE UP BECAUSE MY FAMILY WILL SUFFER.
I DONT WANNA CAUSE SHAME ANY FURTHER.
I DONT WANNA FORCE THEM TO BORROW MONEY FOR MY FUNERAL.

PROBLEMS SUSTAIN MY LIFE FOR YEARS NOW.

UNREAL

I MISS THE YOUNGER ME. 

ONE WHO'S MIND ISN'T TOO CORRUPT; WHO'S A DREAMER, IDEALISTIC, ENERGETIC, HOPEFUL.

I MISS THE YOUNGER ME. 

ONE WHO DESIRES TO DRAW PLEASANT THINGS, LIKE HUMANS & NATURE, AND THE FUTURE. MY FUTURE HOUSE, FUTURE COMMUNITY, AND FUTURISTIC GADGETS.

I SEE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE DESIGNS OF THE MODERN TIMES AND MY OLD DRAWINGS. 

AND IT SADDENS ME TO KNOW THAT THE DRAWINGS WHICH AREN'T "REALIZED" TIL NOW, TELL ME OF THE REALITIES OF THE MAN I'VE BECOME. UNPRODUCTIVE. UNWELL. UNGODLY.


I COULD HAVE

I DO HATE WRITING ABOUT 'REGRETS',
BUT RIGHT NOW, MY HEAD'S FULL OF REGRETS.

I SHOULD HAVE NOT LET THAT HARSH THING HAPPEN TO ME.
I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO A BETTER INSTITUTION.
I SHOULD HAVE NOT JOINED IN THAT GROUP.
I SHOULD HAVE NOT RUN.
I SHOULD HAVE PURSUED MY COLLEGE EDUCATION.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN OBEDIENT CHILD.
I SHOULD HAVE NOT ENGAGED IN THIS COMMITMENT.
I SHOULD HAVE NOT LET LUST TOOK OVER.

I COULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER INDIVIDUAL.
BUT PAST ENCOUNTERS REALLY MADE ME THIS KIND.

I GOT A HANDFUL OF DREAMS.
FOR ME AND FOR MY LOVED ONES.
BUT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON THAT I AM,
THESE DREAMS ARE FAR BEYOND ATTAINABLE.

I CAN ONLY TELL THEM ABOUT MY DREAMS
SO THEY CAN APPRECIATE MY DESIRE TO MAKE OUR LIVES BETTER.
BUT I'M UNEQUIPPED TO REALIZE MY DREAMS.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE WHO NEVER FAILS TO THINK
HOW GOD WOULD WANT ME TO ACT GIVEN A CERTAIN SITUATION.
BUT LITERALLY THE PAST HAUNTS ME,

THE WORLD BLAMES ME, 
MY CONDITION STOPS ME;
THESE THINGS DISABLE ME TO DO GOOD.


I'VE LEARNED TO SEE LIFE IN GOD'S PERSPECTIVE.
BUT I'M ALWAYS HAVING A HARD TIME APPLYING THIS
BECAUSE POVERTY AND LUST FILL MY HEAD AND BLUR MY SIGHT.


I'M A FAILURE.
AND I'M SO SORRY FOR MY FAMILY THAT I'VE BEEN THIS KIND OF PERSON.

I AM A HEAVY BURDEN TO MYSELF.
I AM A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT TO MYSELF.
BECAUSE I KNOW MY CAPABILITIES, AND I EXPECTED THEM TO BE OF GREAT USE.
I KNOW I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT MY LIFE,
TO ELEVATE IT AND GET MYSELF OUT OF THE RAT RACE,
BUT I'M JUST SO INCAPABLE.
I KNOW I COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER.




Saturday, June 12, 2010

IMMOBILIZED WITHOUT MILLIONS

A BREAK IS ALL I NEED.

YES, I'M PESSIMISTIC.
AND I HAVE THIS ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS CONDITION WHICH OFTEN DISABLES ME
TO DECIDE AND MOVE QUICKLY.

AND IT'S ALMOST LATE --OR LATE AT ALL--
WHEN I WOULD MAKE UP MY MIND TO ACT.

YES, I'M PESSIMISTIC.
AND SEVERAL PAST ENCOUNTERS TURNED ME INTO THIS KIND OF INDIVIDUAL.

I CAN'T MOVE WITH MINIMAL RESOURCES.
I CAN'T MOVE WITH MY CURRENT STATUS. BECAUSE I FEEL HELPLESS.
AND I'M HELPLESS.
I NEED A MIRACLE.

GIVE ME 50 MILLION PESOS, AND I ASSURE YOU I CAN MAKE MYSELF BETTER.
IN A MONTH.

I'M NOT MATERIALISTIC.
IT'S A NECESSITY THAT WOULD ENABLE ME TO DO BETTER.