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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

THANKFUL... AGAIN

AS OF NOW I AM ILL. MY FLU STARTED LAST FRIDAY.

I LEFT THE WEEKEND WORK, BECAUSE I REALLY FELT SO ILL.
I THOUGHT I CANNOT MANAGE TO DO THE EMCEEING FOR MONDAY'S FLAG RAISING CEREMONY,
SO I ASKED A FRIEND TO DO IT FOR ME, BUT HE COULD NOT.
CAME MONDAY AND I WAS ABLE TO HOST WELL.
THAT EVENING, I DECIDED TO GET DRUNK SO I COULD ENJOY A DEEP SLEEP.
AND JUST AS THE HANDS OF THE CLOCK STARTED TO MOVE FOR AUGUST 17, 2010,
I SLEPT TOTALLY DRUNK.

I WOKE UP SIX IN THE MORNING, WITH CHILLING CHEST AND THROAT,
SO I QUICKLY WENT DOWNSTAIRS TO GULP HOT COFFEE.

THEN, IT WAS REVEALED TO ME THAT THE 17th OF AUGUST WILL BE AN ARDUOUS ONE FOR MANY.
IT WAS VERY TOUGH.
BUT BEFORE THAT DAY ENDS,
THE LOVE FROM GOD, WHICH HAS SPREAD TOWARDS HIS PEOPLE, REVEALED ITSELF.
THANK GOD FOR THE PEOPLE WHO VALUE FAMILY, COMMUNITY AND LIFE.

Monday, August 16, 2010

LOST

I'M SICK. STILL SICK.
AND THE ILLNESS ROOTS DEEP... DEEP INTO SOUND JUDGEMENT AND DISCIPLINE.

NEVER DID ANYTHNG GOOD FOR MYSELF.

AND YOU CAN JUST COUNT HOW MANY GOOD THINGS I DID FOR OTHERS.

I LOST THE BATTLE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, OF WELLNESS, OF TRUST, OF FRIENDSHIP AND OF DREAMING FOR THE BETTER.


I'M SICK.

AND MY MIND IS CORRUPT.
I'M SICK.
AND I LOST THE BATTLE LONG AGO.

Monday, August 09, 2010

THE CEILING'S ATTRACTIVE

WHEN THIS PROBLEM STARTED,
I THOUGHT I COULD MANAGE TO WIN OVER IT IN WEEKS.
MONTHS AND YEARS HAD PASSED, AND THE PROB IS NOW IN IT'S GLORIOUS PEAK.

SCREAMING O'ER MY HEAD VICTORIOUSLY.


I NEED MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO EARN.


A SECOND AGO NEVER RETURNS.

AND THE PEOPLE I TREASURE ALL GET OLDER.
AND I'M GETTING OLDER TOO.

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I DREAMT OF HAVING.

NO MINUTE-BY-MINUTE FAILURES.
NO DEBT.
NO WORRIES.
NO SINS. AND ALL THE COMPLICATIONS WHICH GO WITH SINNING.
AARGH.

AN EASY SOLUTION SCREAMS LOUDER AND EXTRACTS ALL THE HOPES IN ME.


MY WORK SAVES ME.

MY WORK REMINDS ME OF MY SIGNIFICANCE AS AN EMPLOYEE.
THE PEOPLE WHO TRUST ME DO THE SAME, WITHOUT THEM KNOWING IT.

I'M FORTUNATE. BUT NOT WITH SO MANY PROBLEMS AND FAILURES THAT MY EARDRUMS

WOULD STRIVE TO CATCH THAT PLEASING SOUNDWAVE AGAIN
AND MAKE MY MIND CHOOSE TO CONSIDER THAT EASY SOLUTION.

I'M WEAK.

I'M HELPLESS NOW.
EVERY THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME, EVERYTHING I ENCOUNTER,
ALL HAS NO VALUE UNTIL I CHOOSE TO ENGAGE IN IT.
THAT'S THE TIME WHEN I SEE WHAT IT CAN DO TO ME.

BECAUSE NOW, I DON'T EXPECT GOOD THINGS T HAPPEN INSTANTLY FOR MYSELF.

I DON'T DREAM NOW.

IT'S LIKE I DEVELOPED THE HABIT OF GOING IN WITHOUT ANALYZING WHAT'S IN THERE.

COZ ANALYZING IS STRESSFUL.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO ANALYZE THINGS [AS OF NOW].
AS OF NOW.

PROBLEMS MADE ME ILL FOR YEARS NOW.

AND I NEED HEALING.

OF MY PSYCHO.

OF MY BODY.
OF MY CHARACTER.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

CHILD'S HOPE

BEFORE I LEFT HOME @ 12 MN, I HAPPENED TO SEE KYLE ANDREI, MY NIECE 4 YRS OLD, PRAYING.
SHE WAS KNEELING ON BED, HER PALMS TOGETHER, EYES CLOSED.

I BARELY HEARD HER WORDS.

WHEN I GOT NEAR HER SHE DID THE SIGN OF THE CROSS.

AS HER TITO, I AM GLAD TO KNOW SHE LEARNED PRAYING AT NIGHT.

THAT'S D FIRST TIME I SAW HER DID THAT.
AND I WONDER WHAT HER PRAYER WAS ALL ABOUT.
I WONDER.

I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE LEARNED IT FROM MAMA, OR FROM SCHOOL OR FROM A TV SHOW.


I'LL TELL MAMA TO SEE TO IT THAT ANDREI AND LY-AN SAY THEIR PRAYERS AT NIGHT.


I LOVE MY NIECES.

AND I'L TAKE CARE OF THEM IN WAYS I CAN.