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Sunday, October 23, 2011

I LOST TRACK OF MY RELIGION

I CANT REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES
I HAD GIVEN UP SO FAR IN MY LIFE.
WHY? COZ I DONT COUNT THE TIMES I WAS DEFEATED.
COZ THE FIRST TIME I DIED, I KNEW THEN
THAT IM BOUND TO EXPERIENCE FAILURE ONCE IN A WHILE.

I FEEL SO DOWN TODAY.
THAT I WASACTUALLY  CONSIDERING THAT EASY SOLUTION
FOR ANOTHER TORTURING PERIOD.

IM DYING... AGAIN.

MY BELIEFS (WHICH SOME ARE REFLECTED IN SEVERAL BLOGS I DID)
ARE JUST IDEAL, AND I ADMIT I HAVENT APPLIED ALL OF THEM
IN MY DAY TO DAY STRUGGLES;
WHEN I WRITE ABOUT SOME OF MY BELIEFS,
I, AS A BLOGGER, ASSESS MYSELF FIRST,
CHECKIN MYSELF OUT IF I HAVE VIOLATED ANYONE OF THOSE,
AND I CAN SAY, I AM GUILTY OF STEPPIN OVER MY OWN BELIEFS,
MOST OF THEM ACTUALLY.

IT IS IN WRITING THAT I ACCIDENTALLY FIGURE OUT
THE MISTAKES I WAS ABLE TO COMMIT IN THE PAST,
AND THE NORMS I TEND TO TURN MY BACK FROM;
 THE MORE I BLOG, THE MORE MISTAKES I DISCOVER,
AND THE THINGS I ENGAGE IN BECOME LESS AND LESS JUSTIFIED.

I AM VERY EAGER TO DISCOVER TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE,
AND HOW, BY LEARNING THEM, I CAN MAKE MYSELF BETTER
AS AN INTERACTING INDIVIDUAL.

I MAY SEEM TO JUDGE PEOPLE BUT I SEE TO IT
THAT I HAVE JUDGED MYSELF ON THAT MATTER LONG AGO;
I HAVE FAILED SO MANY TIMES, AND OTHERS MAY SEE MY DEEDS
TO BE HARMLESS, BUT MOST OF YOU WOULD AGREE
THAT THERE'S NO ONE WHO CAN JUDGE OURSELVES BEST BUT OURSELVES.

I HAVE TOTALLY LOST TRACK OF MY OWN RELIGION.


1 comment:

John Albert said...

I don't know what you are really undergoing through. But one good thing I noticed on you, with respect to your posts, is that you have the conviction. Being convicted means the start of fighting against your sins. There's no one in this world who never committed a sin. and fyi, a single sin is the same with thousand sins, for all of us are sinners. But then, conviction isn't enough. Struggling requires commitment and perseverance. you should have your PLAN. :-) God bless!